If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
