I can text with my tongue
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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