Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
