my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
