I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
