i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm just crazy horny about you
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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