I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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