oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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