My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
We got so high we made milksteak
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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