At least make sure they are 18
Why
I showed him my bush... on skype.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
