think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
