theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
