I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
