he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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