wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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