Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
