I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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