"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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