oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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