Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
