Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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