I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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