Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
