My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
