so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
