FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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