Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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