Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
