I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
