Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize