i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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