at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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