I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just found puke in my bra..
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
