If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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