is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I think pants incapable of making pants work
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
