I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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