i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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