Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
