By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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