Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
