have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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