he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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