i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
