I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
barbara walters just said penis...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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