Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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