dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
