i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
