Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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