turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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