remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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