I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she peed on how many people?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
