Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
