I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
