I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
