remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
