Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
